4 Signs You’re An Office Martyr

Have you ever met someone at work or home who likes to let the world know how much they are suffering by the amount of work they must do each day?  At work I like to call these folks the office martyrs.  There is usually one in every organization.  They seem to get a natural high from self-pity and making others feel guilty for not working as hard.  Read below for four signs that you or someone you know may be playing this role and how to get on the road to recovery.

Happy reading,

Diane

Recently I was at party with a group of friends when our conversation turned to a woman who was more quiet than usual.  I asked her how her business was going and she took a deep sigh and said, “It was going very well…almost too well.”  Of course, the consultant in me took over and I began my series of questions for better understanding.  She went on to say that her company merged with another company and she was swamped with the administrative duties of this merger and was trying to connect both companies’ software systems.  I asked her when was the last time she took time off and she exclaimed…Oh I haven’t taken time off in ages…the company would fall apart if I left even for a short time.

My first thought at this last statement was sadness.  This woman had become the office martyr.  She kept telling herself how important she was by not letting anyone else do her important work. She was now so important she created a prison of importance that would not allow her to escape even for a few hours.  I believe we have all been this prisoner to some task in the past.  Are you this person or do you work with someone who takes on more and more work only to use it later to make others feel guilty that they are not as busy? What are the four signs you may be the office martyr?

  • Everyone knows how much time you spent in the office last week because you told everyone
  • Simple conversations with co-workers always end with you sighing and exclaiming that you don’t know how you will get it all done
  • Co-workers offer to help but you claim it will take way too much time to train anyone so it is easier to keep doing it yourself
  • You let everyone know how little time off you have taken as if this is your badge of courage

If you have this tendency or know of someone, here are four quick steps to recovery:

  • The minute you make others feel guilty of your workload is the flag you need to see that YOU have a problem and you are to blame for your situation

 

  • Begin offloading a few simple tasks to others so you can see there are talented workers around you capable of so much more than you think.  If you work for someone, ask for their help in dividing your workload

 

  • Take your largest, most time consuming task and break it down into four parts.  Make a plan to delegate at least one of these parts to someone else in the near future.  For example, if you handle software integration give the earliest steps of the process or the last easiest steps of the process to someone else

 

  • Start taking time off.  It may need to be in small increments like 2-3 hours but start the process of letting go and know that you are more productive when you return from time off

Question for You:

Do you act as the office martyr?  Is it hard for you to give up duties because no one can do it as well as you?  Do you resist taking time off because the office would fall apart if you left?

 

Answer for You:

Start training someone else NOW on those tasks that are most critical to the office’s success.  Every business should have two people capable of doing the most critical tasks in an office.  If you are holding onto tasks because “no one can do it as well as you” you are hurting yourself, the office team and the organization as a whole.

The 24 Hour Rule: How to Use It At Home or Work

Have you ever said something that you later regret? At that moment, did you wish your life would rewind like an old tape player so you could capture those damaging words? I know I have had this situation many times in my life and I want to re-introduce an old but often forgotten tip called the 24 hour rule. Read below for ways to save relationships at home and work using this great rule.

Great reading,

Diane

 P.S. Welcome to all of my new readers from Peerless Industrial Group, Family and Children’s Center, Benchmark Electronics, Lawrence Transportation Company, Legacies, LLC., All Trades Service, Pet Medical Center, Merchants Bank, Winona National Bank, Mississippi Welders Supply, Winona State University. I am excited to share my tips with you each week.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tia was having problems with her boss’s reaction to her need for more flexible hours. She recently had a child and was having troubles with her new day care which would often make her just a few minutes late for work. Her boss was showing his irritation with her tardiness so she fired off an email stating how she thought the company should offer more flexible hours and get with the times. As soon as she hit that “send” button, Tia knew she had just done something horribly wrong. She had reacted in a moment of anger with a person that had a large stake in her success at work. She wished she could recall the message without her boss seeing it…. but it was too late.

 Many of us have been in a similar situation with someone at work or even a child, spouse or relative at home. One of the most difficult things to do in a moment of anger is not overreact. It just feels so great to formulate your quick, witty response when we are hurt and leave that voice mail message or send that email to make ourselves feel better.

 So what could Tia do the next time she faces a moment of anger with her boss or others? She should practice the tried and true 24 hour rule:

• Write the vicious email ,letter or thoughts you would like to say on paper so as to get them out of your head

• Read them several times so you feel like you actually delivered them • Wait 24 hours before you take action on them

• The next day reread them and make a decision about sending

• If you do not choose to send the original message, throw it out, or better yet, shred them so they never have a chance of reaching the recipient

• Rewrite the message in softer terms, or better yet, pick up the phone or speak “in person” about how they made you feel with their message.

I know that all of us have heard of this old rule but only a handful of us use this. Why? Because it is not easy to wait that long to make a response to something that hurts us. But I guarantee a better outcome for you if you wait. I have written countless letters only to read them the next day and be appalled at what I was saying and how I was saying it. The thought of me almost sending the message sends shivers down my spine 24 hours later.

Now many of you are thinking right now that you have applied this rule but instead used the 1, 2, 5 or 12 hour rule. I think it is great that you waited even one hour but I really believe waiting 24 hours is the best because all the adrenaline that was in your body when you wrote the awful retort needs 24 hours to leave your body so you can see your message with fresh eyes and a fresh heart.

Question for You:

Are you often impulsive in your reactions to being hurt? Have you said many things to others that are important in your life that you wish you could retract?

Answer for You:

Take out and dust off this old but effective rule of waiting 24 hours. Try using the steps above before you make that costly mistake of responding “in kind” without being kind.

“Patience is the companion of wisdom”

Saint Augustine

What To Do If Someone Gives You The Silent Treatment At Work

There are many ways of showing anger in the workplace. From raising your voice and swinging your fist, the more aggressive forms, to going behind someone’s back that you are angry with, or worse yet, the manipulative silent treatment. I have to say, that I have a history of using this technique when upset with my spouse, children, friends and yes, even co-workers.

Let me give you an example. Someone does something or says something you don’t like, you choose to get quiet and withhold conversation so as to gain perspective but to also punish the other person. Ah yes, the ultimate form of manipulation. It is one of the most damaging ways to handle conflict because it leaves the other person helpless. So how do you work with someone who chooses this way of handling conflict? I suggest the following:

• Approach the person being silent and ask if they are upset with you and what may have caused it. If they remain silent, you have may try again, but it is now up to them to decide to share what has happened.

• Listen intently for understanding before you give your perspective • Once you have listened and paraphrased back, share your side, and if need be, apologize for the misunderstanding

• If there is mutual accountability for the misunderstanding try for a compromise or win/win

• Ask that the person giving you the silent treatment to try a different approach the next time they are upset with you. Ask them to tell you right away when they are upset, give them time to cool down but they must agree to discuss it soon afterwards

What if you are the one giving the silent treatment as your preferred method for handling conflict? Understand that you probably learned this manipulative style growing up. The wonderful thing about gaining wisdom is that you can choose a different style! If you find yourself hurt by someone at work, allow yourself a good twenty four hours to cool off before taking action, but the important part is to take action. Approach the person who has hurt you with a short explanation of what happened and how you wished it had been handled. Sometimes it helps to write your feelings down so you can better articulate them. There is always the chance that this may escalate but you have taken the high road by sharing your feelings and how you would prefer to be treated in the future. While confronting conflict is never easy, if the relationship is important, it is worth your time to find a more effective way of handling the situation.