I recently spoke at a conference on the topic of Networking for People Who Hate to Network and my audience asked if I could help them better remember people’s names.  I realized how important this skill is to communicating more effectively and thought it would make a great topic for this week’s newsletter.

Great reading and remembering!

Diane

At some point in my young adulthood I was asked the question, “What are the most pleasing words for a person to hear?” The answer I received may surprise you….it is a person’s name.  If hearing your name is so pleasing and important in a conversation than why is it so hard for us to remember others names in social settings? I have to admit that I must constantly work at this skill because it does not come naturally to me.

We have all been in that situation where we have met someone before and had a conversation with them, but when we meet them again, we do not have any recall as to their name.  And so we do the dance by pretending we know who they are and asking a myriad of questions that might trigger an answer that gives us a clue as to their name.  This is embarrassing, frustrating and time consuming all at once.  So, how can we better recall a person’s name once we hear it?  I have five techniques I have used that help me and hopefully will help you as well.  I am sorry to say I do not remember the source for some of these ideas and some I have created myself:

• Be focused in the moment.  You know when you are about to be introduced to someone…this is not the time to multitask or think of your grocery list waiting for you.  You must clear out all other thoughts and look the new person in the eye so you capture their name and how they say it.

• Once you are introduced, find a way to verbalize their name out loud to help it sink into your memory.  For instance, you just met Bob Jones and so you ask him a question shortly after your introduction by saying, “Bob, did you go to school in this area?”   By using his name quickly in a question, you have now practiced using his name which will lend itself to better recall.  Another great time to use their name again is when you are departing.  Try saying, “Nice to meet you, Bob,” as an example.

• Associate their name with a feature of their physical presence or someone they look like.  For instance, if I am introduced to Tina Smith and she is tall, I may remember her as Tall Tina.  This works especially well if there is a distinguishing feature in their physical structure or mannerisms. By putting a feature of the person with their name, you are creating an emotional marker with their name that helps with recall. If they look like someone famous you may try connecting that Tina Smith has Tina Turner’s hair.

• Ask them to spell their name.  I am a visual learner and by seeing their name spelled, I am often better able to recall it.  This can sometimes backfire when they have a simple name like Mary Anderson but usually there are multiple ways to spell a name and you are trying to make certain you have it accurately.

• Apologize if you do forget their name.  Simply state, “I am so sorry that I have forgotten your name, would you please tell me again?”  Sometimes we would save a lot of time and embarrassment if we would simply do this right away but there are times when it seems so inappropriate if we were just introduced. 

• Help others know your name.  Why not help your fellow socialites by introducing yourself to everyone that may not remember your name.  I like to shake people’s hands that I have seldom met and say, “Hi, I am Diane Amundson; you may not remember me.”  Wouldn’t the world rotate so much smoother if everyone made the assumption that you don’t remember their name?

Question for You:

Do you often forget people’s names?  Sometime right after being introduced to them?

Action for You:

Saying a person’s name is one of the most pleasing words for that person to hear. Try to focus and be in the moment when that introduction is made, verbalize their name quickly, find a physical feature or mannerism to assist you and ask them to spell their name if you are a visual learner.  Don’t be afraid to quickly apologize if you forget their name and help other’s remember your name by not assuming they remember you and offering your name first