Author Archives: damundson

The 24 Hour Rule: How to Use It At Home or Work

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Have you ever said something that you later regret? At that moment, did you wish your life would rewind like an old tape player so you could capture those damaging words? I know I have had this situation many times in my life and I want to re-introduce an old but often forgotten tip called the 24 hour rule. Read below for ways to save relationships at home and work using this great rule.

Great reading,

Diane

 P.S. Welcome to all of my new readers from Peerless Industrial Group, Family and Children’s Center, Benchmark Electronics, Lawrence Transportation Company, Legacies, LLC., All Trades Service, Pet Medical Center, Merchants Bank, Winona National Bank, Mississippi Welders Supply, Winona State University. I am excited to share my tips with you each week.

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tia was having problems with her boss’s reaction to her need for more flexible hours. She recently had a child and was having troubles with her new day care which would often make her just a few minutes late for work. Her boss was showing his irritation with her tardiness so she fired off an email stating how she thought the company should offer more flexible hours and get with the times. As soon as she hit that “send” button, Tia knew she had just done something horribly wrong. She had reacted in a moment of anger with a person that had a large stake in her success at work. She wished she could recall the message without her boss seeing it…. but it was too late.

 Many of us have been in a similar situation with someone at work or even a child, spouse or relative at home. One of the most difficult things to do in a moment of anger is not overreact. It just feels so great to formulate your quick, witty response when we are hurt and leave that voice mail message or send that email to make ourselves feel better.

 So what could Tia do the next time she faces a moment of anger with her boss or others? She should practice the tried and true 24 hour rule:

• Write the vicious email ,letter or thoughts you would like to say on paper so as to get them out of your head

• Read them several times so you feel like you actually delivered them • Wait 24 hours before you take action on them

• The next day reread them and make a decision about sending

• If you do not choose to send the original message, throw it out, or better yet, shred them so they never have a chance of reaching the recipient

• Rewrite the message in softer terms, or better yet, pick up the phone or speak “in person” about how they made you feel with their message.

I know that all of us have heard of this old rule but only a handful of us use this. Why? Because it is not easy to wait that long to make a response to something that hurts us. But I guarantee a better outcome for you if you wait. I have written countless letters only to read them the next day and be appalled at what I was saying and how I was saying it. The thought of me almost sending the message sends shivers down my spine 24 hours later.

Now many of you are thinking right now that you have applied this rule but instead used the 1, 2, 5 or 12 hour rule. I think it is great that you waited even one hour but I really believe waiting 24 hours is the best because all the adrenaline that was in your body when you wrote the awful retort needs 24 hours to leave your body so you can see your message with fresh eyes and a fresh heart.

Question for You:

Are you often impulsive in your reactions to being hurt? Have you said many things to others that are important in your life that you wish you could retract?

Answer for You:

Take out and dust off this old but effective rule of waiting 24 hours. Try using the steps above before you make that costly mistake of responding “in kind” without being kind.

“Patience is the companion of wisdom”

Saint Augustine

What To Do If Someone Gives You The Silent Treatment At Work

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There are many ways of showing anger in the workplace. From raising your voice and swinging your fist, the more aggressive forms, to going behind someone’s back that you are angry with, or worse yet, the manipulative silent treatment. I have to say, that I have a history of using this technique when upset with my spouse, children, friends and yes, even co-workers.

Let me give you an example. Someone does something or says something you don’t like, you choose to get quiet and withhold conversation so as to gain perspective but to also punish the other person. Ah yes, the ultimate form of manipulation. It is one of the most damaging ways to handle conflict because it leaves the other person helpless. So how do you work with someone who chooses this way of handling conflict? I suggest the following:

• Approach the person being silent and ask if they are upset with you and what may have caused it. If they remain silent, you have may try again, but it is now up to them to decide to share what has happened.

• Listen intently for understanding before you give your perspective • Once you have listened and paraphrased back, share your side, and if need be, apologize for the misunderstanding

• If there is mutual accountability for the misunderstanding try for a compromise or win/win

• Ask that the person giving you the silent treatment to try a different approach the next time they are upset with you. Ask them to tell you right away when they are upset, give them time to cool down but they must agree to discuss it soon afterwards

What if you are the one giving the silent treatment as your preferred method for handling conflict? Understand that you probably learned this manipulative style growing up. The wonderful thing about gaining wisdom is that you can choose a different style! If you find yourself hurt by someone at work, allow yourself a good twenty four hours to cool off before taking action, but the important part is to take action. Approach the person who has hurt you with a short explanation of what happened and how you wished it had been handled. Sometimes it helps to write your feelings down so you can better articulate them. There is always the chance that this may escalate but you have taken the high road by sharing your feelings and how you would prefer to be treated in the future. While confronting conflict is never easy, if the relationship is important, it is worth your time to find a more effective way of handling the situation.

5 Ways to Know You’re Unprofessional

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Have you ever been accused of being “unprofessional”? Many times we have a hard time defining what this means, but we know it when we see it. This week I am taking the suggestion of one of my readers to address this important topic.  What does it mean to be professional?

Happy   reading,

Diane

P.S.    Please share your thoughts about this email or send future topic ideas to diane@dianeamundson.com

 

5 Ways to Know You’re Unprofessional

 ”Professionalism is not about adherence to the policies of a bureaucracy. Professionalism is about having the integrity, honesty, and sincere regard for the personhood of the customer, in the context of always doing what is best for the business. Those two things do not need to be in conflict.”

Eric   Lippert

Bob was continually late for appointments that he set with co-workers in his department. Brenda was busy selling cosmetics on the phone, her side-line business, while working for someone else. Brian routinely talked about his poor performing subordinates with his high performing subordinates making everyone uncomfortable. Carrie was known as someone who would not take full responsibility for mistakes she made. She would find a way to make someone else the reason for a failure in her area. Nancy would quickly invite the new hires to lunch so they would join her clique that gossips about the other cliques at work. If any of these sound like you, or someone you know at work, this is the time to put a stop to these unprofessional behaviors that are impacting how others see you.

We often hear the phrase “be professional” when referring to a way of   acting at work. But what does it really mean? According to businessdictionary.com being a professional means showing a level of excellence or competence that is expected of a professional.   I thought I would create a list of five ways to know you are unprofessional:

  • When you steal time or materials from the company, i.e., using social media, long personal phone calls, borrowing tools, etc.
  • When you promote another business of yours while working for someone else
  • When you bad mouth fellow workers or your boss in front of customers
  • As a boss, you talk about subordinate’s faults with other subordinates
  • When you use your company’s computer, fax, etc. to look for another job

So, what does professional behavior look like?

  • Showing up on time- be available when you say you will be available
  • Being competent which means being accurate and doing what you say you will do….even when you don’t feel like it
  • Dressing for the importance of your job so as to gain credibility- if you would wear it to a carnival, don’t wear it to work, i.e., flip flops, cutoff jeans, spaghetti strap tops, t-shirts, sandals, etc.
  • Keeping confidential matters confidential
  • Taking responsibility for failures if you own them….don’t pass the blame

A client of mine who owns a company mentioned that he would like his employees to think like an owner. If they owned his company, would they still choose these unprofessional behaviors? Now there will always be    exceptions, but I bet a few unprofessional employees, if given ownership, would think and act differently.

Question for You:

Do you find yourself acting with more of the unprofessional   behaviors listed above? Do you notice your co-workers or even boss   exhibiting more of these unprofessional behaviors?

Action for You:

Immediately stop the unprofessional behaviors as they impact how others see you and these behaviors may get you terminated. Begin finding friends and co-workers at work that exemplify the do’s of being a professional. Stop and ask yourself what you would do differently if you owned the company. Often we get swept up in a culture that lives and breathes unprofessionalism. It takes a strong person to remove themselves from people who support unprofessional behaviors.

“Being a professional is doing the things you love to do, on the days you don’t feel like doing them.’”

Julius Irving